My heart, resilient and relentless creature that she is, broke and repaired herself a myriad times between 2013 and 2017.
If you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time, you probably know I was married—and it didn’t go exactly as planned, to say the least. There was a lot of deception and betrayal on the behalf of my ex-husband, and in the process I learned a great deal about resilience, sovereignty, and personal power.
It’s been just over a year since we put the final nail in that coffin, and I’m still finding the words to tell that story. So, for the time being I will continue to tell the lessons—one of the most powerful of which is how crucial it is that we allow our hearts to simultaneously heal and be rent asunder—open wounds side by side with open musings.
We simply cannot allow our hearts to ossify.
We will, from time to time, find ourselves face to face with heartbreak. Here we are again. How familiar. How befitting of the Universe to dole out these lessons, over and over.
And so, when you’re face to face with heartbreak once again, can you break yourself open without falling apart? That’s the game: how exposed can you permit yourself to be through the process of rewriting and re-wiring? How hopeful can you stay despite the call to jadedness? How soft can you remain despite the storm that strengthens you?
Can you purge yourself to the core, all the while feeling absolutely full? Can you run on empty with an abundance of fuel? Can you wax and wane and surrender to the dichotomy of it all?
Can you stay open to the raw experience of what wasn’t “supposed to be” while knowing, with absolute certainty, that it’s exactly how it’s supposed to be, every single time?
As I was going through the final stages of my marriage, I felt both grateful for the call to expansion and angry as hell at the turn of events. I simultaneously experienced relief and disbelief—confused and crystal clear.
This is how we expand through healing—we refuse to crumble but we choose to chip away. We understand that we can be both fiercely loving and fantastically furious; we never have to be just one thing. There is dichotomy in the healing process and many layers to hearts that break.